Excerpt From Episode 7 : Dear African Americans, I’m Sorry
Can’t believe how crackers treat black people, shit fucking firebombs my goddamn everlasting soul. Miser ass whites having all the wealth in America is bullshit, fucking cheaters, course you have all the money, you created the system, rigged the fucking game, hoarders never give a goddamn thing away. That’s why you hate yourselves deep down, feel so unworthy of love, you have so much to give yet you keep it all locked in a rape dungeon for your sweaty hairy paws to drool on. Giving is life, when you give nothing you have no reason to live! The world would be so sweet if we simply gave! Feel about it…
95% of humans are dissatisfied with life, 100% of them are just dissatisfied with themselves! It is cause we know we have so much to give yet we hide it. We know we don’t give our best, subconsciously, consciously, we know giving is what we are missing. It makes us feel most beautiful. Giving is when we are most alive. At birth we are given air, water, land, time, anything our minds are aware enough to know is a gift! We are given life so we must give appreciation to being alive.
Most of us don’t know how to give. We give to get, with calculated generosity, politician’s wink, vote for me. We give to please the ego yet we all know the ego can’t give us what we need. It proves it over and over again. We’ve been slaughtered by hatred, butchered by greed.
Yet we waste so much time searching for a physical solution to a spiritual problem. We point our fingers at anyone else, search everywhere except within ourselves. We wait for a savior, an alien takeover, a magic pill, when the confidence we long for, happiness we envy, love we desire all comes from the gift we give.
We must realize we feel scared, ugly, guilty, numb, hopeless, confused, and give ourselves the gift of feeling it so we can give ourselves the gift of why so we can give ourselves the gift of changing how we feel. Then we will not repress our darkness anymore. We will give to the light, no longer drain ourselves to be fake public nice or set ourselves up to be who we are not. We can give to give, give to be free, to transcend, give to the spirit from the spirit, to the friend from the friend, to life from the aliveness within. We can give to the infinite without limits, to love with arms full of roses, to life without expectation. We can give heart to heart without hesitation, no judgment, through thick and thin, we can give love to any aspect of life that sucks, giving creates the world we desire.
We don’t need money to give, we can give the gift of our joy, our encouragement, our purpose! You know what is impossible? Blessing and judge at the same time so let us give the gift of our blessing! Walk by a school, bless the people inside, see a hospital, bless the humans inside. Drive by a prison, bless the ones inside. At dinner bless the waiter, at work bless the boss, at home bless your family.
Giving to give is when we receive our truest gift. Giving to give is where depression, anxiety, fear can’t live! Giving is a practice so let us practice on ourselves. Give yourself the gift of love, of a healthy mind, of believing in your gifts! Practice giving to the gift inside you growing, to the gift inside you living, to the gift inside you opening, to the gift inside us giving.
It is pathetic how white oppressors know American history and refuse to give their millions to living breathing souls in need! Those white people are poorest the people alive. Bet you think I hate white people, bet you’re calling cousin Billy, are we pieces of shit cause we’re white? Truth is I love white people, that’s why I call them out. If you have a friend with a big juicy green booger sitting pretty with its leg’s open on their upper lip, if you love them, you tell them, if you hate them, you let it hang for the world to think their dumb. I don’t hate white people.
I hate liars, bullies, oppressors, the ones who have the world in their hands and don’t care enough to change it. I hate growing up I had zero interactions with black men beaten for desiring equality, no conversations with redlined black parents working three jobs to feed a family, never shared a meal with a black woman told she was less than human by ones who looked like me. I hate my only exposure to black America was sneaking round to watch Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I hate no one sat me down, said son, our ancestors stole over three hundred thousand black human beings from their African home to be our slaves. It wasn’t till 1883 they were allowed to be ‘free’ until 1964 were they allowed to share the same space as whites, both against lots of white wishes. Dehumanization doesn’t go away overnight. It takes a country of conscious white people to know we are white in a country founded on white supremacy and we must be willing to do all we can to change it by educating ourselves and other white people. Son, you are a white in country founded on white supremacy, you must be willing to do everything you can to change it by educating yourself and other white people.
I knew shit was fucked as a kid. Grade school, white girls babble, Mrs. Perkinson yells Marcus, Corner! I didn’t know what racism was but knew she unjustifiably blamed everything on the only black kid in class.
White church=worse. I was playing basketball at the gym when two black kids arrived. I invited them to Sunday School. After they left a Sunday School teacher said I shouldn’t do that. Do what? Blacks don’t worship our God. What God do they worship? Not a good one.
All the rich white families in my neighborhood vacationed together every summer. I’d always get bullied or ignored till a cruise we went on, I met black kids. We played games, freestyled, and made comedy skits. It was so fun except for my father who kept saying if I see you running round with n****** again you’ll be in deep shit when we get home. Do you know how that makes me look? Yeah dad, I do, it makes you look like the most heartless piece of shit alive, like why your own flesh and blood is terrified of you, like why your own heart wants to kill you, like every evil character in every movie, it makes you look like the dumb disconnected destroyer of beautiful human being soul life you are. “Quiet, you give me the gift of…”
“Officer, he’s the one harassing me!” Cracker is back with a cracker ass policeman.
“That’s a lie!” I point to the white man. “You were harassing him!”
“Shut the fuck up or you go to jail!” The policeman screams in my face. I cower like the white fragile crackerpiece of cracker shit I am! He throws Quiet up against the wall of Brooks Brothers. “I told you stay off Main St. You don’t listen so you go to jail!”
Face to face Quiet Logic stares into the policeman’s power, “you can’t arrest me!”
“Watch asshole.” Cop reaches for his handcuffs.
“You can’t arrest a movement. You can’t imprison momentum. You can’t detain change. You can’t capture pride of a people. You can throw me in a cell, hell you can shoot me dead like you do so many but you can’t kill truth. You can’t murder equality so you can’t touch who I am.” The cop stunned powerless as if Logic tased him with truth. “Only thing you can do is hear me to work with me to cultivate the fire or you’ll spend the rest of your life fighting a war you can’t win cause you aren’t fighting people, you’re fighting the energy that creates Life!”
The cop handcuffs him as Quiet Logic makes me feel more proud to be an American than any white person ever but damn I’m a fake liberal white privileged bitch who can’t stand for shit. Cause you know what I do? Not shit. I let that fucking cop just take the beautiful soul that is Quiet Logic and put him in handcuffs and just take him and move him and push him, beat him, try to make him feel like he’s nothing, just throw him in the back so he can lock him, take away his freedom like he doesn’t have a soul, a heart, like he doesn’t have a breath.
Imagine psychos with guns were gunning for you every time you left the house, you’d never leave. You have a panic attack at Barnes and Noble when you see someone you had an awkward tender date with. I hate myself for not using my courage, for not standing up for the truth always no matter what?! Don’t you?
Jesus died on the cross for our sins and we can’t even stand up for racism. This is why I’m walking to that bridge, if I can’t be there for my fellow soul brother when he’s being abused for no reason then what good am I? If I have a gift but I don’t give it then why should I live?
Dear African American Human Beings I am sorry. I can’t wait for the day all white people say We Are Sorry. I can’t wait for the day all white people actually change.